


Digital Fucking

by kaleidoscope_eyes (TheGirlInYourMirror)



Series: Digital Fucking [1]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Bisexual Penny, I have regrets but this sure aint one of them, Lesbian Agatha, M/M, Pansexual Simon, Punk Penny, THE JEANS, Truth or Dare, Youtuber AU, buckle down motherfuckers, gay baz, ok so like not snowbaz YET but theyll get there, thats right get ready guys, yeah i'll probably do a sequel at some point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 09:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10784166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlInYourMirror/pseuds/kaleidoscope_eyes
Summary: "Simon, would you like to tell them what you did?”“I may have crashed the trolley into a shelf?”“And?”“And yelled at the security guard that he was a hussy.”--------------------The popular North-London based Youtubers Brains&Scones collab with duo NotTheQueen. Cue a huge mess of a friendship.





	Digital Fucking

**Author's Note:**

> You know what, I'm not even sorry at this point. I'm too far deep into this fandom.
> 
> Credit to whoever created the May bank holiday because I'm bored and procrastinating homework, and to Charlie McDonnel because I spent the whole of writing this listening to his album on repeat.
> 
> (I do not own these character, they belong to Rainbow Rowell.)

“Penny, some of the fans think we try too hard with the intro puns.” Simon said, looking at Penny sat on the bed next to him.

“Well it doesn't matter to me, because no matter how far I get dragged I'll always bunce back.” She replied looking into the camera and trying not to giggle. Simon starts sniggering, and Penny pushes him off the bed.

The screen cuts to their intro, and then the camera is focused on Simon, sat back on the bed.

“Oi oi, it's your boy-”

“And girl!” Penny interjected, popping into frame.

“Yes, and girl, and today we have a surprise for you.”

“Firstly, Snow, it's not much of a surprise if they can just read the title of the video, and secondly that sounded really ominous.”

“Shut up, I'm smart. Anyway, today we're here with everyone's favourite prick, Baz Pitch!”

Baz slides into frame, a smug expression on his face.

“Bonjour.”

“I'm also here, if anyone is bothered.” Says Agatha, flopping onto the bed behind.

“Yeah, and Agatha, the goddess herself.” Penny jokes, poking her. “Their channel is NotTheQueen, it'll be linked in the description. Anyway, since they're basically the only other YouTubers in Hertfordshire, we decided it's only logical we cashed in, right Simon?”

“Yup, so today we're being completely original and inventive and doing… Truth or Dare.” He deadpands.

“Because we are apparently in Year 5.”

“Shut up, Agatha, you suck.”

“We asked you guys for some questions on Twitter, so let's get going.”

“About time.” Baz snorts, but there's a smile on his face.

“Baz, why is that your username.” Penny reads out.

“Because it is completely accurate. I am, in fact, not the Queen, despite my majesty and Agatha's looks.”

“Fair enough. Simon, football or fencing?”

“Damn, that's hard. I suppose… ugh, why is this so difficult! Probably football, I've been doing it for longer. Penny, this one says… be punk. Just be punk.”

“Ok then.”

The screen cuts to them in a supermarket aisle, with Baz in hysterics on camera whilst in the background Simon chases Penny holding a bottle of water with bright pink smeared around his mouth and up his cheek. Agatha stands next to him, looking at the different packets of hair dye and laughing.

“Bunce put lipstick on Snow, and now we are presented with this. I wanted to get it on camera before we got kicked out.”

“That shade of pink is really his colour.” She comments, and picks up a box of scarlet hair dye. “Would you say this is punk enough?”

“Why not.”

Another cut, this time to Baz with his hand over his mouth laughing as he films Agatha sitting in a trolley, pushed by Simon, with Penny running after them yelling and her hair dripping wet.

The next shot is of Agatha and Simon sitting outside, Simon with even more pink across his face.

“So we got kicked out, unsurprisingly.”

“But no, not because of the water or lipstick situation. Simon, would you like to tell them what you did?”

“I may have crashed the trolley into a shelf?”

“And?”

“And yelled at the security guard that he was a hussy.”

“Exactly. Penny hid, so she's still in there with Baz.”

“And God only knows how long they're taking. I'm boreddddddd.”

A few shots of them pulling faces and walking, and they're back on the bed. Penny's hair is scarlet, and she's got temporary tattoos on her neck. She lifts her arms to show tattoo sleeves, and a choker around her neck, along with a fake eyebrow piercing and her usual stud in her nose replaced by a ring.

“I quite like it.” Baz says, looking at her.

“Well of course the hairy scary vampire likes it, you've come straight out of a 60's gothic flick.”

“I'm flattered, Snow, really.”

“The hair suits you, but I'm not sure about the tattoos.”

“Yeah. Sorry guys, but punk Penny is something that is not long for this world. Who knows about the hair though. We'll see.”

“Either way, on with the video! Agatha, fuck marry kill: the three of us.”

“Well you're all peasants, but kill Baz. He's like my brother, it'd be strange. Any boy is a nope really, but I guess bang you, Simon, and marry Penny and have her biologically impossible children.”

“I'm hurt that I'm just a one night stand to you, Agatha.”

“I'm sorry Snow, I'm just too gay for this.”

“Well my heart belongs to another, I'm afraid. As the token 'in a relationship' friend, I must decline. This one says 'Baz, say something in another language.' Exactly how many languages do you speak anyway?”

“French, German, I'm ok at Latin and conversational in Greek. Also, Ich habe eine lange schlange und er heißt Geoffery.”

“And that means...”

“I have a long snake and his name is Geoffrey.” Baz sniggers, and behind him Simon is red in the face from laughing, with Penny smirking and Agatha rolling her eyes but smiling.

The rest of the video passes much in the same way, the notable bits being Agatha attempting to say the alphabet backwards in 10 seconds, Simon wearing a pair of Penny's heels and hitting his head on the ceiling trying to stand up with the 5 inch height boost, Penny getting a lemon and cream pie to the face and then chasing Micah around the flat demanding he kiss her ' because you love me you made this commitment!' and Baz having to get into the shower with his clothes on, leading him borrowing jeans and a t-shirt from Simon and leaving his shirt and slacks to dry. The jeans sit low on hips, and a low flush settles on Simon's cheeks as he can't quite tear his eyes away.

“Well that was quite frankly a mess. If one good thing came out of this, though, it's that we got Baz out of the smart clothes, so that was an important occasion.” Penny says, signalling the outro.

“If you'd like to see more of… whatever this was, make sure to like and comment suggestions! Subcribe to Baz and Agatha, and to us if you aren't already, and make sure to stay tuned, because this isn't the last time you'll be hearing from this dysfunctional lot.”

“So it's bye from the digital fucks!.”

“Did you just brand us?” Penny smiled.

“What have I begun.” Simon joked, with a mock scared look on his face, leaning forward to turn off the camera. Penny does a peace sign, Agatha smiles prettily, and Baz' expression is neutral as his eyes are focused a little too much on Simon's arse.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

New video from Brains&Scones: Digital Fucking

Views: 265,907  
Likes: 124,103  
Dislikes: 492

 

Comments:

-  
SimonSnHOE:

fuck me up YESS 

-  
whatisaname:

this is so beautiful im yellin

-  
afryingpan:

BAZ AND SIMON YES YES YES THST ENDSCRENN AHH

-  
pixiedust:

y'all im shook is nobody gonna talk about penny's hair

-  
ragingheterosexual:

honestly baz in jeans can fuck me 9 ways to sunday (and apparenly simon agrees)

**Author's Note:**

> If you want any more trashy self-indulgent fics I'm always up for prompts, whether they're in this AU or not :)


End file.
